


Music

by Redsonya



Series: Heart and Soul [2]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout - Fandom, Fallout 4
Genre: Budding Relationship, Building Relationship, Competition, F/M, Flirting, Healthy Relationships, Loneliness, Melancholy, Morning Exercise, Music, Need more dialogue, No really...it’s only Morning Exercise, Push-Ups, Relationship(s), Sexual Tension, Showers, Sit-ups, Smut is on the way!, They don’t realize they love each other, Timed Challenges, challenging, healing each other, healthy rivalry, non-canon, private time, sensual, slight depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-18 06:46:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14207412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redsonya/pseuds/Redsonya
Summary: Music speaks what cannot be expressedsooths the mind and gives it restheals the heart and makes it wholeflows from heaven to the soul.





	1. A Million Years Ago

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Katlen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katlen/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness  
> ~Maya Angelou~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the rooftop conversation with Danse, the General finds herself with dreaded free time where her thoughts consume her...
> 
> This chapter was weighing heavily on my heart how to accurately convey how the sole survivor deals with the insurmountable grief and sorrow of having no one left from a family or friend circle to navigate the new world. There must be an incredible feeling of abandonment, survivor’s guilt, and loneliness.
> 
> I came across a song by Adele and the lyrics fit perfectly how I thought someone would feel when missing their home. After all, music brings healing. See link below to the goddess’ song<
> 
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sc4rqVwlbjU

The steam from the hot water fills the air and fills her nostrils as she breathes in slowly. It fills her sinuses and lungs with the much needed humidity. It permeates every open airway as she readies for her shower. 

They were coming down the stairs from their conversation outside when she had immediately felt it hit. It felt like a ton of bricks. All her childhood memories playing vividly through her mind. Like they were being projected on the big screen at Starlight Drive In and she instantly felt lonely. 

Her thoughts run freely as she undresses. She pulls out shower supplies and her one little piece of tech that happened to survive. An old iPhone she used for photos and music was mixed in a box she used as a junk drawer. The electrical charger was there too. It actually held a charge from the generator. She forgot about the collection of music and singalong instrumentals she collected before college. 

She did not flip through the photos or it would turn into a complete meltdown like in Sanctuary. Now was not the time.

Her phone was filled with old family photos, goofy pictures of her and her friends, and tons of city and mountain sceneries. All the random pictures she would capture are there. Snapshots of time. Little moments recorded. A digital treasure in her hand. And someday she would share them. But not today.

She hits shuffle, turns the volume down, and steps in the shower. 

Even though the overwhelming feeling of loneliness has surrounded her again. You have to deal with it head on. It can’t be ignored. It won’t leave you alone. You have to figure out how to move through it. Not let it cripple you. 

She embraces all the memories, happy and sad. She’s accepted the fact that they are defining moments in her life. Experiences that have made her who she is today. Her family and friends, instrumental in who she is, are all gone now. 

But she chooses that she can honor their memories by remembering them, and allowing them to come to the surface. And they come steam rolling back. 

It. Is. Exhausting.

All the happiness, sorrow, carefree, danger, awe inspiring, all memories good and bad. They’ve built her. Guided her decisions. She is who she is by her experiences. 

As she continues to push herself through her memories she feels herself grow stronger. It feels a little faster to get to this point than the last three or four times which seemed to last a few days.

She comes to realize this can actually be a good exercise for her mental health, to reflect back on her life and fully accept all her past actions.

She feels the melancholy subside just a smidge. It’s still there, but feels more manageable. 

She practices slow deep breaths. In and out. In and out. She focuses on the happy times. The ones with birthday parties, sleepovers, walks in the woods with her grandma. Learning about the forest animals. Peaceful thoughts.

Her memories now turn the corner to the happier ones. 

The silly things that make her laugh: escapades with her friends, pranks she pulled on her parents, silly jokes in vain attempt at stand up comedy. 

She finds herself smiling and laughing at the memories as the music plays softly. An instrumental starts playing and she remembers the words to this song like it was yesterday. It’s perfect to how she feels at the moment. Her voice helps her heal as she sings in the shower:

I only wanted to have fun  
Learning to fly, learning to run  
I let my heart decide the way  
When I was young  
Deep down I must have always known  
That this would be inevitable  
To earn my stripes I'd have to pay  
And bear my soul

I know I'm not the only one  
Who regrets the things they've done  
Sometimes I just feel it's only me  
Who can't stand the reflection that they see  
I wish I could live a little more  
Look up to the sky, not just the floor  
I feel like my life is flashing by  
And all I can do is watch and cry  
I miss the air, I miss my friends  
I miss my mother, I miss it when  
Life was a party to be thrown  
But that was a million years ago

When I walk around all of the streets  
Where I grew up and found my feet  
They can't look me in the eye  
It's like they're scared of me  
I try to think of things to say  
Like a joke or a memory  
But they don't recognize me now  
In the light of day

I know I'm not the only one  
Who regrets the things they've done  
Sometimes I just feel it's only me  
Who never became who they thought they'd be  
I wish I could live a little more  
Look up to the sky, not just the floor  
I feel like my life is flashing by  
And all I can do is watch and cry  
I miss the air, I miss my friends  
I miss my mother, I miss it when  
Life was a party to be thrown  
But that was a million years ago  
A million years ago.

The music fades and she reaches out, dries her fingertip, and presses stop. She rubs her face under the water, making sure not to get her bandage wet.

She reassured herself that times are different but the ones she loved are still with her. She tucks those memories away in her mind and in her heart for safe keeping. They will never leave her and will continue to bring her comfort in this new land. 

Her mood has elevated and she feels as though a heavy weight has been lifted off her shoulders. 

She dresses, gathers her things, stands straight and tall, and squares her shoulders. She stands there breathing slowly getting ready to enter back into her current world. 

Paladin Danse’s face appears in her thoughts and she immediately remembers one element that stood out in their conversation. Now only Danse, Preston and the settlers in Sanctuary know she’s from the time before the bombs. 

A question had been thrown at her earlier and she couldn’t shake it. The Paladin inquired about her military training, which she expected since he is a member of a similar environment. But that wasn’t what surprised her.

He had asked her where she was from and she immediately jumped in to explain her childhood. She felt completely comfortable telling him about being a member of the Cherokee Nation, her Native American/Irish heritage, and her spirit teachings and visions. No one else knows. No one. 

Why was it so easy telling him? 

Why did she feel so drawn to him?

What are the reasons behind this feeling? 

It’s a little unsettling that she doesn’t get a feeling of him being a threat. Usually her gut instinct will tip her off to be wary or know something isn’t right with a situation.

But when she jumped in sending arrows flying and blades swinging she felt like it was what she was supposed to do. It was where she was supposed to be. And he was going to be standing there, protecting, defending, and fighting.

She accepts and lives by the fact that there’s always a reason why complete strangers are thrown into each other’s paths. Fate. Destiny. Karma. It goes by many different names but ultimately it means there is a reason. Usually great things come from such a meeting.

What have she and Danse been destined to accomplish? One thing she knows is to not fight it. What is meant to be always find a way.

She climbs the stairs with a spring in her step while thinking, “I’m listening Grandma, just like you told me to. Silence my thoughts and the truth will come.”

She heads up to bed with an old tune playing on the radio from Nat King Cole ‘The Orange Colored Sky’. She rushes out with the words rolling off her tongue and the urge to dance and envisioning that tomorrow is going to be a great day!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loneliness: Feeling sad and unhappy about being isolated.
> 
> Common causes of this symptom:  
> Loneliness can be normal, and is only an indicator of underlying disease when feelings become excessive, all-consuming, and interfere with daily living.
> 
> Self-treatment: Volunteering, attending community or religious events, or taking a class may help form new friendships and reduce loneliness. Going for a meal, coffee, or a walk with family or friends may also help.
> 
> Thank you Katlen for your kind words! I can’t express enough my gratitude for your encouragement! It helps this newbie keep the spark alive!!
> 
> The series continues...


	2. Morning routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning routines are good for the mind. And as the Paladin and the General find out, it’s also good for both the heart and the soul.

...At least we have a backup...

She sat straight up gasping for air, hot and sweaty, grasping the blade under her pillow. Looking around for danger as she comes to her senses, remembering Cambridge Police Station. 

She sheathes her knife and rubs her eyes. She unzips her bedroll and tosses it open, the cool air drying her skin. After taking a deep breath and sighing, she recalls the nightmare and her fight to find him. Shaun, where are you? 

She turns to her Pip-Boy. It says 3:15am. Damn. 

No one was around, she was alone in the work room. Knight Rhys must still be on patrol. 

They had the desks pushed up against the walls to make room for bedrolls. It was obvious there was more of the team when they first arrived. There were more bedrolls than the three of them. So much loss, all around. 

The only thing she hears is Scribe Haylen’s soft breathing from a front room. She can’t hear anything from Paladin Danse’s room but the door is almost closed so she assumes he’s asleep. 

Frustration sets in as she runs through the most current tasks she needs to accomplish. Deep Range Transmitter today, Diamond City tomorrow. 

She turns on the music to her iPhone and hits shuffle. The playlist for movie scores starts. She thinks, “Give me something that I can fight to” as the score for Star Wars starts. “Excellent!” 

Rolling over onto her stomach she buries her face in the pillow. Wide awake and pissed off. Not a good way to wake up. She reaches over and grabs her Pip-Boy. 

Finding the clock, then finding the timer, seeing her last time being two minutes and seventeen seconds she feels even more pissed off.

She zeros out the number and sets a ten second countdown. She quickly places both hands on the bedroll beside her, knuckles down to not re-open the wound on her palm, and flexes her toes for a good grip, waiting for the sound.

The Pip-Boy dings and she starts her morning push-ups. Her form is straight and quick, puffs of air as she’s counting to one hundred.

Impatience sets in as she gets closer. She feels angry enough to beat her last time. She pictures the demon from her nightmare. The bald head, scar down his face. She can’t wait to put him out of his misery!

One hundred, she pushes stop. 

Time 2:15

“YES!!” She collapses to the floor proud of her time.

“That was impressive.”

She quickly pulls her head up and turns toward the voice, seeing Paladin Danse leaning in the doorway to his room, arms folded across his chest. 

“I’m sorry Paladin, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“No apology needed soldier, I wasn’t sleeping.”

She pushes up, turns over and sits cross-legged on the bedroll. 

He walks over and around to the other side, kneeling in front of her Pip-Boy, “May I?” She nods her head. He looks at the list of accumulated times seeing her latest times getting closer and closer to two minutes. He turns back to see her watching him.

“I’m trying to get 100 push-ups down to two minutes. I haven’t made it back to that time since before I was pregnant. And I’m so close, Paladin.” She gives him a genuine smile like she’s proud of herself, yet frustrated. 

He returns the smile, “Ad Victoriam.”

Her eyebrows move up as in shock, “To Victory.” 

Danse smiles with pride that she knows the meaning. “Yes, it’s the Brotherhood of Steele’s motto.”

She tilts her head slightly and her expression turns stoic, her eyes grow distant, “De Oppresso Liber.”

He’s watching her intently as she stares off in the distance. “Is that the motto of your, you said the US Army’s Green Berets?”

She hasn’t responded, so he waits. 

Still no response and he’s starting to get concerned but she speaks, her voice sounding far away, “Yes, it means To Free the Oppressed.”

He leans over to run interference until his face matches her gaze. He looks in her eyes and quietly replies, “It suits you.” 

He can see her responding to his words, her pupils focusing on his face. Her face relaxes in a smile as one lonely tear escapes down her cheek. 

He reaches up and brushes the tear away with his thumb. 

She has a warm smile. The silence between them is long, yet very comfortable. 

She stares at him as he’s still holding her face, thumbing softly across her cheek. “Thank you Paladin. I’m not sure where I went just now.”

“I’m glad I was here to help.” He drops his hand and starts to stand.

She grabs his wrist before he can leave and smiles that million dollar smile with the whitest teeth he’s ever seen. “Actually, there’s one small thing you can still do for me...”

He raises one eyebrow and tilts his head giving her a smirk, “And what is that soldier?”

She drops his wrist and she takes a breath in, “I still have one hundred sit-ups to complete. I’ll hold your feet if you hold mine? Please?”

How in the world could he say no to that sweet smile? His heart skips a beat and he thinks he would go to the end of the world to see that smile every day. “Of course.”

She claps her hands together, like she just won a prize. He shakes his head at her and laughs, “Let me guess, you’re timing these too?”

“Yep, and then we’ll see if you can beat them!” And she smirks at the end of her comment.

He’s now feeling a little daring, “Oh I see, you want to challenge me, is it?”

“Absolutely not!” she says like she’s offended. “Just good old fashioned competition.” She lays back laughing and stares at the ceiling. 

She bends her knees and places both feet flat on the bedroll and reaches out to reset the timer. Danse takes the opportunity to square his hands on the tops of her feet, pressing his weight down. He watches her until she lifts her head, he nods that he’s ready when she’s ready. 

She lays back, one hand cupping the back of her head, the other on the timer. She breathes in and out a few times, slowly. He’s quietly watching her, waiting to start counting. 

She’s still looking up at the ceiling when she says softly, “Besides, a strong woman looks a challenge dead in the eye...”

She’s silent for a long time. He’s beginning to wonder if she fell asleep. 

She startles him as she pops her head up with half closed eyes and the most sensual smile he’s seen yet, finishing her statement “...and gives it a wink.”

As their eyes bore holes in each other, she winks at HIM. His adrenaline rushes his system as he knows she means he’s the challenge, not the exercises!

She starts counting...1, 2, 3.....

Their gaze is locked on each other. Her sit-ups are fast and furious and she comes inches from his face every every rep. His heart is pounding. He dares not move.

He licks his lips and she can’t take her eyes off his mouth. Every time she’s up, she wants to grab him and kiss the ever-loving sexy in that pout. 

He’s frozen in place, watching her mouth as she’s counting. Every number makes a different shape. He doesn’t know what number she’s on, he’s wanting her lips, and her tongue brushes across. 

Every time she gets close he wants to know what she tastes like. How inappropriate that would be, but God he wants to know! 

“One hundred!” She collapses to the floor and stops the timer. They look at the time...2:47.

Both of them are breathing heavily. One due to physical exertion and being turned on. The other due to being turned on!

She can’t help it, she knows it’ll embarrass him, but she says it anyway, “You sure are winded for not doing anything, Paladin.” Being kind, she allows him to save face and doesn’t look at him, giving him time for a comeback.

He can feel his face get a wave of heat and he’s glad she’s staring at the ceiling. “With all due respect, General...” He says her title with a slightly insulting tone, which in turn makes her head pop up, “Excuse me??” “...now I’ll show you how it’s really done.”

The next two hours results in what they both would say was exercise induced competition. In all honesty, it was really more sensual in nature.

The film scores play in the background as if something spectacular is about to happen. Crescendos with strings and horns. Decrescendos with softer sounds. Spectacular it is! 

No one else was around, or awake, to witness it. And that’s good because these two have been through hell and back, and the worst is yet to come. 

They deserve this time, discovering each other’s personalities, and similar interests. All in a fun and flirtatious way. It’s a nice break from their stress and responsibilities. 

They both act like it’s been an entire lifetime they’ve been together. It’s surprising how easy it is between them. The questions, the honesty, the good-hearted rivalry, the attraction, the kindness they show each other, no expectations, and the love they don’t know has been there all along.

...They’ll both look back on this time as the beginning of something beautiful.

And beautiful it is!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew that had the potential of getting very steamy, but I wanted to show their genuine humanity toward each other. Because we all know how the definition of humanity rears its ugly head in the future. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking around on this series. These two have many more stories dancing in my head! 
> 
> I re-read this the morning after I posted and corrected and edited grammar and tense. I need to proof read better before I post. Hope you all are still with me.
> 
> As always, please leave comments, I’m still learning!


End file.
